Capellani

No more blisters on my hands, my feet and neck are getting rougher and darker, all onions have been planted and the corn is between calf- and chin-high depending on when we planted it, the last of the potatoes are being harvested and new ones are being planted in the ground. The summer heat is getting intense on the sunny days while on rainy days we are on our own island surrounded by clouds and cool damp air. The road has already been washed out by the torrents of afternoon rain and the river I used to be able to hop over now I have to wade through to get across on my hike up to the village. And the mountains are turning green again. I realized lots of things are changing in Capellani as I hiked down the mountain back to Cochabamba this week. I'll be taking 4 weeks off to spend with my cousin Katie here and Ann now that she finally got out of school today for the last time until January. I wonder what else will be different when I get back there. I'm sure the corn will be way over my head by then. On Tuesday we had the monthly community meeting and I spoke to the people there about my plans for the rest of my time with them. It was hard to tell what they thought. It is really hard to tell what anybody thinks. Even more so with my lack of Quechua skills. It seems like people have accepted me--I get invited over to help with work or to share a meal more often--but I know that these people never really disclose their true thoughts. I hear one thing and then the other engineers working on a project in the community hear another. One of my closest acquaintences who I've spent many days and long conversations with (really long since he is deaf and you have to repeat yourself all the time, yelling right in his ear) got up at the meeting this week and went on a rant about how they should throw all the dang gringos out of Bolivia. I don't think it was aimed at me, but it still doesn't make me feel any more secure in my position here.

I don't know if I'll ever know what my position is here but maybe that isn't a completely bad thing. I know I'm not needed here. I would like to think my presence could change something or someone in this community, but it seems like these people and this place have been here to long being bombarded by so many forces that want to change things, but everything sems to stay more or less the same. The corn and potatoes and onions keep on growing, everything keeps living and dying. Sometimes I feel frustrated and just want to get the thesis over with and get out, and somtimes I feel like staying forever. But I know that I won't, and so do they, which makes our relationship that much more complicated.

I'm not sure about anything right now I guess. Just stuck floating around in that grey area. Since we've been in Bolivia that isn't an uncommon place to find ourselves. In fact, grey has just kind of moved in with us and made itself at home. She's become more welcome over the months and we are learning to get along. Sometimes it can make life a little more interesting.