Duele- It hurts.

We are moving the office this week.  It is quite a task, as nothing is organized, just thrown into boxes.  Its been a doozy, not only for the move, but our coworkers have had quite a week too.  Juan got a phone call that his mom has a very serious cancer, already in the 3rd stage.  So, he left last week to say goodbye to his mom in Iquitos, Peru.  Felipe, got sick with Hepatitis A, our accountant quit on us, Drew has a national conference in two weeks we haven´t been able to dedicate much time to, and the list goes on.  Life NEVER seems to have a dull moment here in Bolivia.  Our office is now a good 45 minutes from our house instead of 15 minutes, and all the activity and events of the past week or so have left Drew and I drained.  Now with a much longer commute, and less time in the house, we have really enjoyed  and appreciate any time we have to take Ginger to the park in the evenings to sit and watch the kids play until we go to bed.  I know, we sound like an old couple, not like 20 somethings.

The other night, I was doing something in the house when Drew took the dog out to the park.  He came back with his mouth wide open, "Ann you will NEVER believe what I heard the boys saying in the park!"  I already knew the boys he was referring to.  There are some little boys, about 5 or 6 years old that play marbles in the park.  And I already knew what he was surprised about.  I have heard these boys play before.  The words that come out of their mouth would make a cursing sailor look naive and innocent.  A few weeks ago, I had come home saying the same thing to Drew.  This time he heard it with his own ears.  As the boys flick the marbles on the ground, a few select lines from their conversation go something like this:

"I'm going to rape this marble."
"Woah!  Did you see that!?! I raped that marble so bad!"

There is more to the conversation, things much worse than these two lines that I don't care to share here.  How do you respond?  These boys can't be more than 5 or 6 years old.  I know, they are only repeating what they hear in the house.  I nearly cried when I heard them talk because I got a glimpse of how big our battle is here.  It seems really overwhelming at times.  These images of rape, violation, and violence is such a part of the culture here that even two small boys playing marbles in the park in front of their house can't help but reflect the reality of life here.  It hurt to hear these words coming from these boys mouths.  It hurts to think that these boys grow up thinking this is normal, and acceptable.  It hurts to think about the life these boys will be encouraged to live.

Life is very raw here, and it is hard to get distracted by other things.  Even a walk in the park doesn't leave you the same as before.  Maybe that is why Drew and I feel so exhausted so often, you can't escape reality here so easily.  After a while, it is hard to know how to respond, when life keeps coming at you hard and fast.  We are so used to our culture where we can escape reality so easily, or we generally keep ourselves at a distance so as to not have to get involved at all.

So here, I feel completely overwhelmed and helpless.   Some days, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing there is something bigger than me, and bigger than the issues that are so integrated into our cultures that we don't even realize them.  Not only that, but there is something more powerful than these overwhelming things we encounter each day.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that is a good place to be.  It is a good thing the world doesn't depend on me, no matter how valiant I feel my efforts may be.  In the end, they don't really add up to much at all.  Not only that, but by being confronted with all the rawness of life, it seems to make true Love shine even brighter.